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-x-T h i s - b u d s - f o r - y o u - M e g-x-
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<3
Meghan...
It's still hard to say her name with out feeling sad for a whole day and crying an hour, it's only been a few months. I can't think about her yet without a lump form at the back of my throat, or for my eyes to get all puffy and scratchy.
But i know i have to face my fears, open up my closet and look under my bed...i need to tell my monsters to pack up and leave!
Megs was my hero, my mentor, my bus budy. She was this amazingly vibrat person-and i fed off her life and amazing presance. I met her two years ago, the first day of grade seven.
I was so scared i thought perhaps i would take the bus to school and then like, walk in the oposite direction of the school when it parked...but i never ran away, mostly because of Meghan.
She introduced herself, and imediently i was drawn to her. She was alot older than me, and i feared her, at the same time admiring her.
As my grade seven year went on, it got harder and harder. Not just the fact that school was hard, but at home was even worse. Everything was falling apart.
But then there she would be, sitting at the back of the bus. I'd sit down in my rightful seat, but like two seconds later she would call for me to come sit next to her, like i was her bitch. And you know something? I'm not the kind of person to be someones bitch haha, but it was okay that i was hers. And as time progressed, i know i rightfully became her friend.
Not her friend like Hannah or Jenny or Whitney. I was her 'bus buddy.' We would sit at the back of the bus, and for an hour and a half talk about life.
Some days we would talk about trivial things, like having lambs or being late for school in the morning because we lived on farms. Other times we would have rants and raves on weather or not it's right to smoke pot and we talked about growing older and how it was scary and hard-but we were both excited to become new people.
I remember once, towards the end of the winter, we were sitting on the bus waiting for it to leave. And she was saying how thirsty she was. Whitney was there that day and she just kind of shurgged and rolled over in her seat, trying to fall asleep.
But I cared so much, everything Meghan breathed i worshiped. So i told her i would go and get some pop, and asked her what kind. It was either orange or freska...and i was out of the bus and running back into the school. I ran and ran and ran there and all the way back, and the bus was just pulling out when i got back. Meghan was yelling at the bus driver to stop, i could hear her from the window. The bus stopped and i got on...the pop was shoke up, but it was there none the less...
When i got into grade eight, Meghan got her license so she never had to ride the bus, but when she would see me i the hall way sometimes we would stop and talk about things. Every once and a while we would be sitting in the principals office together, and we'd start up about how much the school could change about the way it's run. Then there was the time that she got grounded and was forced to ride the bus as punishment, it was back to normal, if only for that week.
I still remember one day, we were sitting across from each other trying to sleep (she taught me the perfect way to sit so that you can fall asleep and not get into trouble fro the bus driver) when like out of no where she's like "Holy shit! Today is laundry day and i have a bottle of vodka in my sock drawer."
Meghan is dead now...
I wake up every morning and for the first three seconds i don't feel pain-and then i remember. I remember exactly the same every single day, im living the same day over and over.
My hero is gone...and yeah, i know that her memory still lives on, but it doesn't stop me from feeling this emense pain.
Some people may say that she wasn't the best role modle, and yeah okay, maybe she wasn't at times. She got drunk alot and smoked a duby every once and a while and sometimes cut school...but she lived and she loved it! There are all these people walking around leading trivial lives, and they have been here on this earth for 30 years but have done next to no living!
Meghan had 17 years and she lived life more than any one and i mean this, more than ANYONE i know or will EVER know! And i want to be just like her. I want to love life and not resent it, to embrace it and live it dangerously. Because it's so much better to live life dangerously than to not live it atall!
I miss her and sometimes i wonder if i will ever find another person like her, another person who will make me want to bow down to their brilliance.
IT may never happen, i doubt i will ever find any one to be my hero like Meg was my hero...but that's okay, because she's still here for me to worship :)
Her spirit is in every fast car and the wind blowing through the trees. Meghan Kay is inside every laugh i will ever let out of my body. She's one with the world, one with life. Because she was the one person who showed me how to live in the first place.
It was my cousin Hannah a really good friend of Megs that said "this buds for you Meg" and now, i've sort of ubducted the phrase...we all should.
Every Bud we hold in our hand, should be for Meg. A girl who's body is dead, but spirit is still living on and on and on...in the people she loved and the people she taught love to.
It's still hard to say her name with out feeling sad for a whole day and crying an hour, it's only been a few months. I can't think about her yet without a lump form at the back of my throat, or for my eyes to get all puffy and scratchy.
But i know i have to face my fears, open up my closet and look under my bed...i need to tell my monsters to pack up and leave!
Megs was my hero, my mentor, my bus budy. She was this amazingly vibrat person-and i fed off her life and amazing presance. I met her two years ago, the first day of grade seven.
I was so scared i thought perhaps i would take the bus to school and then like, walk in the oposite direction of the school when it parked...but i never ran away, mostly because of Meghan.
She introduced herself, and imediently i was drawn to her. She was alot older than me, and i feared her, at the same time admiring her.
As my grade seven year went on, it got harder and harder. Not just the fact that school was hard, but at home was even worse. Everything was falling apart.
But then there she would be, sitting at the back of the bus. I'd sit down in my rightful seat, but like two seconds later she would call for me to come sit next to her, like i was her bitch. And you know something? I'm not the kind of person to be someones bitch haha, but it was okay that i was hers. And as time progressed, i know i rightfully became her friend.
Not her friend like Hannah or Jenny or Whitney. I was her 'bus buddy.' We would sit at the back of the bus, and for an hour and a half talk about life.
Some days we would talk about trivial things, like having lambs or being late for school in the morning because we lived on farms. Other times we would have rants and raves on weather or not it's right to smoke pot and we talked about growing older and how it was scary and hard-but we were both excited to become new people.
I remember once, towards the end of the winter, we were sitting on the bus waiting for it to leave. And she was saying how thirsty she was. Whitney was there that day and she just kind of shurgged and rolled over in her seat, trying to fall asleep.
But I cared so much, everything Meghan breathed i worshiped. So i told her i would go and get some pop, and asked her what kind. It was either orange or freska...and i was out of the bus and running back into the school. I ran and ran and ran there and all the way back, and the bus was just pulling out when i got back. Meghan was yelling at the bus driver to stop, i could hear her from the window. The bus stopped and i got on...the pop was shoke up, but it was there none the less...
When i got into grade eight, Meghan got her license so she never had to ride the bus, but when she would see me i the hall way sometimes we would stop and talk about things. Every once and a while we would be sitting in the principals office together, and we'd start up about how much the school could change about the way it's run. Then there was the time that she got grounded and was forced to ride the bus as punishment, it was back to normal, if only for that week.
I still remember one day, we were sitting across from each other trying to sleep (she taught me the perfect way to sit so that you can fall asleep and not get into trouble fro the bus driver) when like out of no where she's like "Holy shit! Today is laundry day and i have a bottle of vodka in my sock drawer."
Meghan is dead now...
I wake up every morning and for the first three seconds i don't feel pain-and then i remember. I remember exactly the same every single day, im living the same day over and over.
My hero is gone...and yeah, i know that her memory still lives on, but it doesn't stop me from feeling this emense pain.
Some people may say that she wasn't the best role modle, and yeah okay, maybe she wasn't at times. She got drunk alot and smoked a duby every once and a while and sometimes cut school...but she lived and she loved it! There are all these people walking around leading trivial lives, and they have been here on this earth for 30 years but have done next to no living!
Meghan had 17 years and she lived life more than any one and i mean this, more than ANYONE i know or will EVER know! And i want to be just like her. I want to love life and not resent it, to embrace it and live it dangerously. Because it's so much better to live life dangerously than to not live it atall!
I miss her and sometimes i wonder if i will ever find another person like her, another person who will make me want to bow down to their brilliance.
IT may never happen, i doubt i will ever find any one to be my hero like Meg was my hero...but that's okay, because she's still here for me to worship :)
Her spirit is in every fast car and the wind blowing through the trees. Meghan Kay is inside every laugh i will ever let out of my body. She's one with the world, one with life. Because she was the one person who showed me how to live in the first place.
It was my cousin Hannah a really good friend of Megs that said "this buds for you Meg" and now, i've sort of ubducted the phrase...we all should.
Every Bud we hold in our hand, should be for Meg. A girl who's body is dead, but spirit is still living on and on and on...in the people she loved and the people she taught love to.
"Ask me to play, I'll play.
Ask me to shoot, I'll shoot.
Ask me to pass, I'll pass.
Ask me to steal, block out, sacrifice, lead dominate.
Anything.
But it's not what you ask of me.
It's what i ask of myself."
~Lebron James
Ask me to shoot, I'll shoot.
Ask me to pass, I'll pass.
Ask me to steal, block out, sacrifice, lead dominate.
Anything.
But it's not what you ask of me.
It's what i ask of myself."
~Lebron James
If
love
is
the
labour
I'll
slave
till
the
end
i
won't
cross
the
street
until
you
hold
my
hand
love
is
the
labour
I'll
slave
till
the
end
i
won't
cross
the
street
until
you
hold
my
hand
.fake.a.smile.
L e t ' s - c o m p a i r - s c a r s - i ' l l - t e l l - y o u - w h o ' s - w o r s e
Music Video Codes By Music Jesus.com
Let's
un-write
these
pages
and
fill
them
with
our
own
words
un-write
these
pages
and
fill
them
with
our
own
words
"Love puts all logic to sleep...otherwise we wouldn't take the risk."
people
die
love
doesn't
die
love
doesn't
LInGeRiNg lOvE
